


Paint my Spirit Gold

by Go_to_sleep_baby



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Bottom Merlin (Merlin), Canon Era, Fix-It, Fluffy Ending, Light Bondage, M/M, Magic Revealed, Porn with Feelings, Ritual Sex, Sex Magic, Some Humor, Top Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), angsty beginning, merlin is self conscious, post series 5 episode 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 22:34:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30096162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_to_sleep_baby/pseuds/Go_to_sleep_baby
Summary: “We do not decide the conventions of the earth and its workings. Let me say my piece.” She scolded, like a mother trying to explain something to a child. Merlin swallowed, knowing Arthur hated being told what to do. “The ritual is one of love and your sacrifice will be of pride and  superiority.”“What is it I must do?” Arthur asked, becoming impatient.“Not you alone.” She nodded towards Merlin, “Both of you.”“Me?” Merlin asked, confused.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 187





	Paint my Spirit Gold

_ Don't touch me.  _

_ I use it for you, Arthur, only for you.  _

_ This is treason.  _

_ You can punish me later, but right now I just need you to listen. Let me help you please.  _

_...Do you think you deserve to be punished?  _

_ That's not for me to decide, is it? _

_ How can I trust you? _

_ Because it's me Arthur, I'm the same person I've always been. _

_ But you're not… I don't think you'll ever be the same to me.  _

_ *** _

Merlin wakes with a start. His heart hammers in his chest just as it did on that terrible day, weeks ago now. Arthur had never actually scared him until that moment. It wasn't that Merlin knew he could be put to death for openly using sorcery, but that he knew he would probably lose Arthur. 

Not only was he sure he'd lose Arthur but he'd also lost his best friend that day. The memories haunted him. Gwen's screams, her blood running through his fingers as he tried to seal the wound. The way she touched his face so gently even though she was the one who's life was slipping away. 

"Merlin." She'd said, "Stop." As he tried to heal her with his magic. The magic had been no match for a sword forged in a dragon's breath. He knew that but he could not accept it. 

"It's too late." She'd whispered. 

"No, stay with me alright? I'm going to get you to Gaius." 

"No." She whispered, tears running down her face. "No I need you to listen." She’d said weakly. 

"Gwen." He pleaded, eyes filling with tears. Gwen smiled sadly sweeping away the first loose tear to roll down his cheek. 

"Make him understand." She said firmly. "Make him hear you. Make him  _ listen.  _ Tell him I said he has to." They both huffed out a sad laugh at that. "He knows in his heart, that you could never be a  _ monster.  _ Just as I did." 

"You'll tell him yourself." Merlin said, voice wavering. She ignored him and kept talking. 

"No. Merlin. You go. You take care of yourself. You protect him just as you've always done. You let him take care of you, just like he took care of me. I won't be around so you'll need to fill that hole, with your love and your light. I know you can, there's no one quite like you, with as good a heart as yours." 

"Accept you." Merlin sobbed. Gwen fell further away then, he could see it in her eyes. 

"And tell him I love him," her voice broke "so so much. And I'll be watching over him always. I'll be watching over both of you." 

Shortly after that she was gone. 

Merlin breathed heavily in his still dark room while the memories flooded over him.  _ It was supposed to be me, I was supposed to protect Arthur, Gwen died doing a job I was meant to do and I'll never forgive myself for failing to protect her.  _

Gwen's dying face haunted him. 

Mordred's young face, filled with spite, haunted him. 

Morgana's face, when he'd run her through, inches from his own face, looking hurt and betrayed, haunted him.

But the face that haunted him the most was Arthur's. The face he'd made when he'd seen Merlin do magic for the first time, and worse, his face when he'd lain his dead wife down in front of him. 

Merlin tumbled out of bed and to the chamber pot only in time to empty the contents of his stomach, body wrenching forward on the cold floor even after he was empty. 

He heard the door open behind him and a tsk. "Oh  _ Merlin _ , not again." Gaius said, putting a gentle hand on his back. Rubbing circles comfortingly. 

Merlin spit and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Any chance you could make a stronger sleeping draught." He joked halfheartedly. He was trembling and Gaius wrapped him in his arms. He was always fussing these days over Merlin, who never had much of an appetite anymore and had grown impossibly skinnier. 

"I know I should be glad just to be pardoned… but it's hard when I know Arthur might never forgive me." 

"If he hated you, do you think he ever would have allowed you to stay here in Camelot?" 

"He won't speak to me, he won't let me in his chambers, he won't look at me." 

"He just needs time. You get back to sleep now. I’ll stay here alright?" It reminded him of his mother, of when he was a child and he’d wake from nightmares every night, haunted by visions of terrible things, she always stayed by his side until he’d fallen back asleep… 

He was lucky to still have Gaius. 

***

Merlin was waist deep in chores these days since he didn't really have a job anymore. Gaius always had plenty to get done and Merlin took it all on so that he could keep his mind busy. He’d gotten very good at medicine in all his new free time. 

He was sweeping when Arthur walked in. He hadn't heard the King and he was humming softly, a lullaby Hunith used to sing when he got anxious, it put him in a lighter spirit to sing it to himself. He hummed the little tune, hyper focused on getting rid of the dust and dirt under all the tables and chairs. 

Arthur cleared his throat, "Merlin."

Merlin turned around abruptly and knocked into Gaius's equipment. Before a handful of vials could shatter on the floor he stopped them instinctively in midair, and used his hand to maneuver them back into place.

"That was quick." Arthur remarked flatly. 

"They're expensive…" Merlin said not meeting his eyes, clutching the broom like a lifeline. 

"I suppose so." Arthur said. He stood expressionless in the doorway. 

"Listen… I know why you're here Arthur. I'll be gone before first light tomorrow I promise." 

"That's not why I'm here." 

"Then what? I already figured I'm fired.” 

"Would you just sit down and listen for a second?" 

Merlin nodded and set down the broom, taking a seat at the table. This conversation they were going to have, he'd been dreading for weeks. 

"I know I've been hard on you these last couple weeks, mostly I just didn't know what to say to you. I understand why you didn't tell me, that's obvious. But I just… needed some time alone to think." He swallowed, "I'm going to lift the ban on magic." 

Merlin tried to stand up so fast that when he pushed his chair back, it tipped backwards and Merlin went with it. Arthur rolled his eyes as the young sorcerer scrambled to his feet. 

"You can't do that." Merlin objected. 

"I thought you'd be happy."

"I am- I would be but it'll be dangerous. Bringing magic here could get you killed." 

"No. The hatred my father sewed in the hearts of magic users, that killed him, and it almost killed me as well… And I'll have you at my side. Protecting me, that's  _ your job _ isn't it?" 

Merlin felt tears travel to his eyes against his will. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m still, so angry with you, furious in fact but you are my friend, more than my friend, and I could never wish you any harm. I don’t want you to leave I promise.” 

A tear rolled down Merlin’s cheek and he wiped at his eyes furiously. “I’m sorry I-” It hurt to say out loud but he knew he had to. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save her.” He choked out. Arthur's face changed from hard to soft. 

“That was never your fault Merlin.” 

“I wasn’t strong enough.” He said brokenly. Arthur was by his side in a few strides, hesitantly pulling him into his arms. 

“I would never blame you for a life you did not take.” 

“Why are you being nice to me?” Merlin said holding onto the king far too tightly for it to be platonic. It had just been so long he’d been sitting around waiting for more concrete rejection. Wondering if he should go home to Ealdor, to his mother, to a quiet little life in a peaceful little village. He just couldn’t bring himself to leave Arthur though. 

“I am not who you thought I was, you said so yourself.” 

“I was wrong. You’ll never change  _ Mer _ lin. And I don’t want you to.” 

***

Bringing magic back to Camelot was a lot more difficult than it sounded. The King could not simply snap his fingers and decree that magic was no longer outlawed, for several reasons. Arthur idealized the idea of democracy, the court needed to be onboard with the idea before he would take any sort of action. It had to be discussed at the round table. Reason two was that the whole of Camelot had been told their entire lives that magic was a terrible evil and to fear it. How could they lift the ban without causing widespread panic and a possible mutiny? 

Despite how difficult all that was, the most outstanding issue was that Arthur knew… well pretty much nothing about magic. 

Merlin was teaching him, nearly refusing to leave his side now that the King was speaking to him again. “You don’t have to behave like my guard dog  _ Mer _ lin.” He’d said to him once. 

“I’m not, I’m behaving like your servant.” He pointed out. 

“You’re not my servant anymore.” 

“I’ll always be your servant.” Merlin said with that sweet little smile of his. 

It had thrown Arthur for a loop that morning after they’d made amedens, when Merlin had shown up in his chambers to open the drapes and set his breakfast down near his bed. “What the hell are you doing?” Arthur said in his groggy morning voice. Merlin had looked at him confused. “What do you mean? I thought you weren’t going to sack me.” He said looking worried. 

“Well I’m not but… You can’t be my servant…”

They stared at each other across the room for a solid ten confused seconds. 

“Why… Not?” Merlin said, cocking his head to the side like a pup. 

“Because, well…  _ Because,” You are the most powerful sorcerer ever to walk the earth and it doesn’t make any sense.  _ “I have a new manservant.” 

“You  _ what _ ?” Merlin asked angrily. 

“Of course, you have more important things to do. You’re my advisor now. You’re my aide, you can’t be my servant as well.” 

Merlin scoffed ignoring everything Arthur said. “Who’s this new  _ Manservant  _ then?” 

“Merlin-”

“I don’t see him here bringing you breakfast, drawing your curtains back, he’s not very good is he then? How long did it take you to replace me? A week? A day?” Arthur watched him rant, a smirk growing on his face. He quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“You’re jealous of my servant. Do you hear yourself?” If Arthur needed any more evidence that Merlin hadn’t changed a bit, this was it.

“You replaced me!” 

“Yeah and it’s a good job too, look at you, shouting and the Crowned King of Camelot. You’re a rubbish servant, always have been.” Merlin’s mouth opened affronted as ever. “But by all means, continue to pour my bath water and wash my smallclothes for me, I never knew you derived so much pleasure from the experience.” 

The weeks had gone on and they fell into an uncomfortable routine, arguing at the round table, having endless discussions about changing Camelot's agenda along the lines of magic, trying to speak to the people and get them on the right side. Gwen had always been so much better at that, relating to the people, getting them on her side… but that couldn't be helped now, Camelot had lost its Queen. Arthur hated that he wasn't enough like her. They'd been a team. Gwen was better and kinder and he needed to have someone like that at his side. That was another reason he's made Merlin a consultant, he shared all the best qualities with Gwen, he always had. Apparently the King was attracted to a certain type of person. 

Arthur went to bed every night feeling exhausted from fighting a losing battle. 

After a while things had finally started to look better. Though Merlin kept his magic a secret, he began to speak to the court on behalf of sorcerers in and around the kingdom. It was hard not to listen to Merlin, Arthur had learned that very early on in their friendship. Not that he’d ever admit such a thing. 

Weeks when the situation began to look hopeful, and Arthur’s heart was feeling light, until one night they were set back by an unfortunate discovery. A summons from a magician had appeared in Arthur’s chambers one night when no one had known anyone to go in or out in the time it had appeared. 

“What does it say?” Merlin said coming close and peering over his shoulder. Far too close. Arthur could smell him, the smell of burnt sage and roses. He was never sure if that was actually what it was or if it was some other herb and flower that Gaius used in his potions, but long ago Arthur had filed it away as  _ burnt sage and roses _ . 

“I’m not sure, but I think that it’s in another language.” Arthur said. Merlin stared at it for a moment. 

“It’s not another language it’s a spell;  _ voce mea ad recludam legere me nuntium. Aperi mihi nisi quod lingua per a Elymas magus ut audiat me sermo. Novum turma, ne participes me ego enim scriptum est per custodiri secretum.”  _ He read with perfect pronunciation, and the words began to change into the kind they could read. 

Merlin was still needlessly cautious about using magic around Arthur but he’d watched him enough times now to notice how his eyes glittered gold when he used his powers. It shouldn’t have made Arthur's stomach flutter, but it did. 

The paper read out:  _ The Pendragon name has been found guilty of murder, treachery, tyranny, and oppression of the magical community. Crimes such as this cannot go unanswered for. If you wish to restore harmony between magic and Camelot, you must come to the Isle of the Blessed to pay penance for the Pendragon crimes.  _

“You don’t have to answer this Arthur. One person does not speak for a whole.” 

“Are you certain of that?” Arthur asked. Merlin pursed his lips. He was not. “I have to go. Now is the time for making amends. If not we will never be whole.” Arthur stated, having already made up his mind.

“I’m coming with you.”

“Yes of course. We’ll ride at first light. Ready my horses- sorry actually no, old habits. I'll have a servant do that.” Arthur said embarrassed at the slip up. 

Merlin smiled and left to pack. For the first time they would be riding out from the citadel as equals rather than master and servant. That felt satisfying. 

***

"What if it's a trap?" Merlin asked as they rode through thick woods. 

"We will be prepared." Arthur said. He sounded very calm, under the circumstances. 

"Why didn't you bring any knights?"

"I don't want word to get out we're meeting a magician. Besides, I have you."

Merlin flushed with pride, but continued asking questions anyways, "What happens if they ask you to do something terrible, will you do it?" 

" _ Mer _ lin are you  _ ever  _ going to shut up?" 

"Sorry sire." 

Merlin didn't like being quiet because it brought him back to his terrible memories from Camlann

_ "You're a traitor to your own people." Mordred had said to him.  _

_ "I'd rather be a traitor than a murderer."  _

_ "And yet, how many people have died at the hands of the Pendragons. How many times did you let that happen? You were going to let it happen to me too. I was a boy but I remember."  _

"Now that you're quiet I find myself feeling unnerved,'' Arthur said, coming to sit by him near the fire Merlin had lit easily in the darkness. "What's on your mind?" 

***

"Nothing… I'm just worried." 

"Don't fret. It'll all be taken care of by tomorrow night." 

"You're feeling confident." 

"I'm on my way to reinvent my father's kingdom, I never thought I'd feel good about it but I do. It feels amazing." Merlin smiled at him. It felt odd now that he'd already “fulfilled his destiny,” but the strange pull he'd always felt towards the King remained. Could it be that there was more work to be done for Arthur's legacy or was it coming from somewhere else? Somewhere personal… 

"Do you feel like a traitor… I mean… doing what you're doing for sorcerers?" 

Arthur thought about this for a while. "I feel like, when you know you're doing the right thing, it feels less like you're a traitor and more like you're a warrior." 

Merlin's shoulders slumped. Arthur noticed. "Do you feel like a traitor?" He asked. 

Merlin didn’t want to answer that, but he did anyway. "I used to feel like a warrior… but I've seen so much death and destruction, I don't know what to think. Destiny is a tiring thing, not because of all the things you must do, but because of all the things you must not. All the things you have to turn a blind eye to when you know it's in your power to help." 

"I'm sorry you had to bear that alone." Arthur says quietly. "But now that I know, half that responsibility is mine." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, I will carry half the burden if you will let me. We fight for Albion together now. Two halves of a whole. Two sides of the same coin." 

Merlin's eyes widened. "Where did you hear that?" 

"What?" 

"The thing about the coin." 

"Nowhere." Arthur said, looking confused. 

Merlin laughed, deciding not to elaborate further tonight. "You make me sound much more important than I am." Merlin joked. 

"What makes you think you're not important?" Merlin's stomach fluttered at that. 

"I just mean, it's not like I'm the queen to your king you know." Merlin said. It was a joke but now it was Arthur's turn to be embarrassed. 

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments. "I value you, as much as I would value a wife... But don't tell anyone I said that or I'll feed you to the dogs." 

Merlin stared at him baffled. "As much as a wife?" 

"Yes. Don't make me say it again." 

There must have been something in the air, Merlin's head felt all swirly and the sweet things Arthur was saying seemed out of character for him. He caught himself staring at the King, more specifically his lips. Before he knew it his forehead was touching Arthur's and they were breathing each other's breath, like both knew what could happen and how much they wanted it, but also how much they knew they shouldn't. 

Arthur covered his lips with his own and Merlin decided he was dreaming because this would never happen in real life. 

Arthur's lips were warm and plump, much like a woman's, but the way he kissed was unmistakably male. Firm and controlling. He pulled his hands through Merlin's hair and grabbed hold of it by means to get the sorcerer to tilt his head back, allowing Arthur full entry to his mouth. Merlin moaned and scrambled to figure out where to put his hands. He settled for holding onto Arthur's forearms. 

Arthur kissed the same way he fought. Gracefully but assertive, making the act feel like combat. Combat that he was winning. Merlin opened himself willingly. He cried when his lip was bitten but it was a good cry, a pleased cry, encouraging the King to move on to ravishing Merlin's neck. Arthur grabbed his hips and pulled him into his lap. Merlin could only wrap his arms around Arthur and hold on tight as he sucked and bit at the sensitive skin under his jaw. 

Merlin panted and gasped, a feeling akin to fire burned and spread through his veins and he realized it was magic, getting ready to surge out of him against his will. 

"Arthur stop." He managed, but Arthur wasn't listening. 

"Arthur…" He tried again halfheartedly. Arthur kept at his neck until he noticed a soft glowing light that wasn't coming from the fire. He startled back and realized It was coming from Merlin's eyes. Merlin breathed heavily looking at him worried. 

"Sorry." 

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked, startled. 

"I'm not sure." Merlin admitted as the glow faded. Arthur took a few moments to catch his breath. Slowly drawing away from Merlin, who stared at the forest floor shamefully. 

What was all that was about, had Arthur lost his mind? He felt a wave of regret for kissing the sorcerer and decided to lay down on the ground without looking at him and acting like the kissing didn't happen. That was Arthur's favorite way to deal with awkward situations. 

"We... need to get some rest." 

Merlin however was left feeling cold and guilty for the King touching him, and had a hard time drifting off that night. For someone born out of magic and love, loving came so unnaturally to him. 

"Yeah…"

***

Arthur woke just before dawn, it was still dark but the air had it’s usual sweet morning smell, and the birds had gotten to their chirping already. He rolled over to see that Merlin was already awake, laying flat on his back, staring intently up through the trees. He was pointing up, moving his finger as if he was drawing on the sky. 

“What are you doing?” Arthur asked in his gravelly morning voice, startling Merlin who retracted his hand back and sat up to look at the King. 

“Oh I was uh… Just wondering about the stars.” 

“The stars.” Arthur repeated flatly. 

“Yeah… You know the constellations and such… why they are there, what their purpose is. They make shapes, like they're trying to tell us a story.” He said staring up at the sky dreamily. 

Arthur rolled his eyes, getting to his feet. “C’mon get up, we’ve got a short way to go still.” Merlin helped get ready but couldn’t seem to stop looking at Arthur, searching him for a reaction to the goings on of the previous night. Kisses… Hands… Hips… He shivered involuntarily. 

Arthur had seemingly decided to ignore the circumstance completely. 

***

While they rode on and watched the sun rise, Arthur felt a familiar queasiness come back to him. Memories disappear for a bit after you sleep but they always eventually come flooding back. Kissing Merlin had left this new unlockable knot inside his chest. Neither of them knew how to talk about it, or to even start, so they rode on in awkward silence. 

Upon making it to the edge of land Merlin dismounted his horse and quickly found a small canoe on the bank, as if someone had conveniently left it for them. “Come on, get in.” He prompted Arthur. 

“...That’s tiny.”

“What, are you worried you’ll sink it?” The misplaced teasing put the King at ease a bit. He snorted and held the side while Merlin got in. Very carefully he crawled in the back. It was very tight considering Arthur was in his chainmail and the little boat was only really meant for one. He realized after sitting down that there weren't any ores, but the boat already had begun to move. He caught sight of Merlin’s hands hovering over the water on both sides of the boat.  _ Of course, everything must be easier with magic _ . 

With Merlin sitting between his legs, Arthur could smell his hair, that sweet herbal smell, while they were in this close proximity. The knot in the King’s chest tightened just a little bit more. When the boat hit the island they both tumbled out of it clumsily, knocking into each other the whole time. 

“Merlin!” Arthur shouted exasperated and shoved him away so that he could properly step off the boat without getting knocked over. 

“Sorry Sire.” Merlin muttered. 

“I thought they’d be more distinguished.” a soft voice said, making them both spin around in it’s direction. There were three women dressed in white lace gowns and scarves they wore over their heads. 

Instinctively Arthur’s hand went to the hilt of his sword but he didn’t draw it. He was finally learning that it was perhaps a bad way to start off certain interactions, especially when it came to magicians of any sort. 

“Who are you?” He demanded. 

“Druids?” Merlin questioned. 

“We are High Priestesses, keepers of the Old Religion. We live in hiding, but we are here to deliver a message to The King.” 

“You sent the letter.” Arthur said accusingly. The witch that looked older than the others nodded. 

“That summons was ours. We speak on behalf of sorcerers in this land. We have heard many things of you Arthur Pendragon, Once and Future King of Albion.” 

“Then you must know I mean you no harm. Of my efforts to welcome your people into Camelot. I have no quarrel with you, why have you quarrel with me?” 

“It is not that simple.” The Priestess said. 

“He will not be punished for his father’s crimes.” Merlin said with an air of authority Arthur had never heard him use before, stepping forwards to Arthur’s side, ready to fight in his name. The knot in Arthur’s chest tightened further. Merlin’s loyalty knew no bounds. It never had and it never would. 

The women simply smiled at him. “We do not wish harm for the young Pendragon" The youngest one said. "You will find we have common interests. We’ve long awaited your arrival  _ Emrys _ . The time has come for you to reunite the forces of magic with the heart of Camelot. We offer our assistance to you, Great and Powerful Sorcerer.” They bowed in respect. 

Merlin diverted his eyes embarrassed, he shrunk back a bit. Arthur’s mind reeled. Too much was happening. Why was this witch calling him Emrys, what did they want from them? 

“What do you require of us then?” Arthur questioned. 

The elder answered, “It is not what we require, but the requisite of the very forces of nature itself. On its behalf, we offer a compact, a partnership that will protect your kingdom from harm, and protect pure hearted magicians from the torment of kings. It is time for the King to form his most important alliance.”

“The Old Religion would protect Camelot in return.” Merlin stated in realization. The women nodded once more. 

“I would enter into such a pact willingly.” Arthur stated, sounding eager. 

“Before it can be done there is still much you must do, young King. To bond with the forces of magic itself will require ritual and sacrifice.”

“Now hold on a minute-”

“We do not decide the conventions of the earth and its workings. Let me say my piece.” She scolded, like a mother trying to explain something to a child. Merlin swallowed, knowing Arthur hated being told what to do. “The ritual is one of love and your sacrifice will be of pride and superiority.”

“What is it I must do?” Arthur asked, becoming impatient. 

“Not you alone.” She nodded towards Merlin, “Both of you.” 

“Me?” Merlin asked, confused. 

_ “ _ Magic users call it a binding ritual. Just past the Isle there is a place in the wood, where you will join your souls one with another, to create a new unity between the Crown and the forces of Magic itself.” 

_ Join souls  _ Arthur felt certain misplaced excitement at those words. “And how do we do that?” Arthur asked incredulously. 

“Through the act of copulation of course. Nature’s most carnal knowledge.” 

“No.” Merlin objected, too quickly in Arthur’s opinion. He’d gone visibly paler and he looked like a frightened animal. “There’s got to be something else, this is too much to ask.” Arthur stared at him, trying to decide if he should take offence to such an acute objection. 

“It is the only way Warlock, you need to make this bond, or Camelot will one day fall to ruin. We are but messengers, it is your choice.” 

“What does that have to do with anything? It doesn’t make any sense. What does  _ Mer _ lin have to do with any of this?” 

“You are to bind yourself to magic Arthur Pendragon, it is a contract. Merlin is Magic Itself, his very essence is what creates your destinies. You have been tethered to each other since birth. Your stories are tied together without any real beginning or end, it is not something you can change. You want to change the way of your family’s past? You must lay down your arrogance and prioritize the satisfaction of someone other than yourself.” 

Merlin was finding the ground to be very interesting. He was visibly sweating despite the morning chill in the air. Arthur felt something blossom in him. He should have been outraged at these demands but everything the enchantress was saying felt true. He was just realizing how deep the roots of their connection went, for the first time. 

“Destiny waits for all of us. Your destinies begin to unfold themselves today.” She added. 

“You are not in charge of destiny.” Merlin spoke up admenantly. 

“This is true, neither are you. It is your choice  _ Emrys _ . Travel east until the stones. You will know the place when you come upon it, there is a feeling about the place that is unmistakable.” She turned her attention to the King who was desperately trying to process her previous declarations, and was not ready for the next one. 

“When you arrive there you will lay  _ the sorcerer _ on the earth to overtake him and collect his virtue. Your joining together represents both a contract between previously opposing forces, and a vow between Merlin and yourself. You must choose your path now. Good luck. 

Before Merlin could have a proper shout they were gone, leaving an aura of heavy discomfort behind. The remaining pair were silent for more than sixty seconds, and Merlin began to pace.

Arthur finally said, stupidly, “You’re a virgin?” 

“...No…” Merlin lied. 

***

Merlin hated how much he wanted it. It hurt because it wasn't possible. Even if they did as the witches had said, it would be out of duty and somehow that was worse than never having Arthur at all. 

"Everything I'm doing here, trying to mend the ways of my father… some of it is for the good of my people, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't really for you." Arthur had said. "But if you don't want to go I will understand." 

Merlin had been scared and embarrassed, memories of the previous night flitting through his memory, making him long for the King's touch and making him feel guilty at the same time. 

"You can't." He said voice nearly breaking. 

"Are you scared?" It wasn't taunting, the way Arthur would regularly ask that question. He was concerned for Merlin. 

Merlin nodded, "Not of you, of myself. You don't belong to me, it wouldn't be right." 

"How do you know  _ you  _ don't belong to  _ me? _ " The King said, causing Merlin to look up at him in shock. "Before Gwen… Before Camlann, Gwen said many things to me prior to our separation, she knew the gravity of the situation and what could possibly happen. She kept telling me to take care of you… She said something like that sorceress said, something about kindred spirits, matching souls. She said she'd seen things in the crystals she couldn't tell me but that it was important I protect you. At the time I'd been too cross with you for keeping your magic from me… and I'd ignored her, but I remember now." 

"It's  _ my  _ job to protect  _ you.  _ Not the other way around." Merlin corrected and they stared at each other for a long moment. "She was my best friend. I would have said the same of her if I'd died." 

"Yes, but it was almost like… I don't know, like she'd foreseen this." 

"That's ridiculous. She would have been furious." 

"Maybe not. Maybe she understood what we don't…" Arthur said, but he looked sad now. The memory of the beautiful, strong Queen hanging over him like a curse… always. 

"What do you think that is?" 

"I don't know, but I'm willing to find out." He'd said, looking away embarrassed. "But only if you are as well. I will not force you to lie with me, this is a battle I'm fighting for you not against you." 

Merlin lost the ability to speak, he could only swallow and nod. Arthur had looked at him through his eyelashes, in that way that made Merlin's heart flutter like a maiden. 

"Let's get on with it then." Arthur said sounding hoarse and retracing his steps back to the canoe. 

***

Now they were riding horseback in complete silence. The worst kind of silence that was both awkward and a reflection of shared anxiety. Merlin watched Arthur ride ahead and wondered if he was going to resent him for all of this. The King was sacrificing a lot for his sake, for the sake of a  _ servant _ , how ridiculous. 

What if he changed his mind at the last minute, if he realized that Merlin wasn't worth this challenge, if it got too difficult. The warlock wasn't even completely sure what to do. Not just magically but… he'd never taken a lover, how was he going to explain that to Arthur. 

"Arthur stop." He said, heart hammering it his chest.

"What is it?" He said pulling on his reins 

"This is a bad idea, I can't let you go through with it." 

"You changed your mind." Arthur stated. Merlin swore he looked disappointed. 

"I can't have you doing something that might ruin your honor. You shouldn't do something out of duty, only because you want to." Merlin explained. 

"Nobody will find out, I'll see to it, don't worry. For both our sakes…" 

"But  _ you  _ will know." Merlin argued, becoming visibly upset. 

Arthur looked nervous, which was rare, but he sounded confident when he said, "I'm not sure that I'd mind knowing." 

Merlin felt the memory of their little moment from the night before returning again. The way Arthur had pulled at him, and held him so close and kissed him like he'd been trying to lay claim to the other man. Possessive, desperate,  _ wanting. _

"...You started it." Merlin said in sudden realization. 

"What?" Arthur asked confused. 

" _ You  _ kissed  _ me.  _ Last night… you started it." 

"I don't know what you're talking about." He flushed. 

"You wanted me. You still do." 

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm doing my duty to my people." 

"Liar. You just said that you were doing all this for my sake, you want to have me, that's why this works. That’s why it’s  _ you and me. _ " 

"I cannot afford to waste any more time listening to these accusations." 

"Could you afford to let go of your delicate pride, long enough to be honest, or are you to obstinate and stupid for that?" Merlin should have been holding his tongue, but as usual the King was trying his patience. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You're just a typical bloke, with fancy clothes and a worse attitude." 

Arthur set his jaw and dismounted his horse. He moved to Merlin's and practically yanked him off of it demanding he "get down here now." 

Stumbling to his feet he continued telling Arthur off but the words were knocked out of him when Arthur pulled him into a bruising kiss. Grabbing his hair and pulling angrily. It was intense, fueled by anger and frustration, pent up since before Camlann, when he'd told Arthur his secret and Arthur had responded with fear and distrust. There hadn't been a good way to vent their mutual frustration until now. 

Running on carnal instinct Merlin accidentally bit the King's lip and paid for it when Arthur roughly yanked his head back and began sucking at a spot along the most long line of his neck, biting, bruising, nearly drawing blood. Merlin squirmed but Arthur held him against his body, tight, pressing his hand into the small of his back. When he'd had his fun with that he began kissing under his ear, whispering viciously, "If I were you, alone in the woods with  _ me,  _ I would keep my insolence to a minimum." 

"Yes, Sire." 

Arthur thought he might tackle him to the ground at the sound of the servility in his voice, but something caught his eye and his grip on the former servant relaxed. Merlin, looking sort of hazy, followed his gaze toward the depth of the forest. 

"What is that?" He asked breathlessly. 

"It's a… Henge." It was a circle of flat faced stones in a small glade amongst the thick trees. The rocks were nearly sparkling with the minerals they had woven into them, that was what had caught Arthur's eye. Everything about the little clearing was beautiful. Somehow standing out from the rest of the forest. 

"That's it…" Merlin stated, "I can feel it." 

Arthur could feel it as well, he only nodded and took their Horse's reins to tie to a tree. Merlin couldn't look away from the place, he felt a strange pull towards it, like it was reaching out with it's magic, for Merlin's magic. 

He was startled by the feeling of being lifted and thrown over a shoulder. 

"Put me down!" He cried as Arthur began to trek towards the stones. 

"Maybe I would if I could trust you not to be such a  _ clotpole _ ." 

"I'm warning you." Merlin said, kicking at the air uselessly. 

"Do not threaten your king." 

"I'll do as I please. Put. Me. Down." He managed to squirm out of the King's arms and hit the ground. Scrambling to his feet, Arthur made after him so Merlin ran away right to the henge until he felt something wrap around his ankle and he tripped, catching himself with his hands, but turning around to find Arthur towering over him, grinning like a fool. 

"Clumsy."

"Clotpole." 

Arthur kissed him, knowing somehow this was the place they were meant to be. Surrounded by nature, on a soft bed of leaves, soft sounds of wind blowing through the trees. 

Merlin stopped fighting him and wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck.Then he felt it, his magic spreading through his veins like vines, reaching out towards Arthur. He groaned at the feeling and Arthur pulled back. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Every part of me…  _ yearns  _ for you.” He said restlessly 

Arthur’s expression turned hungry. He reached forward and pulled his ridiculous neck scarf off revealing his neck and elegant collarbones. For several moments he did nothing but cover his neck in kisses and small lovebites. Merlin grabbed at Arthur’s shirt and tried to remember to breathe, taking shaky breaths. Arthur pulled back to look at him. 

Merlin looked terrified so he cupped his face in his hands, thumbs stroking over his cheeks. “It’s okay, I’ll show you what to do, alright?” 

“Alright.” He said sheepishly. 

Merlin reflexively began to help him out of his armor and chainmail, which proved to be quite a struggle in their position. Once he was free of all things metal, Arthur drew back on his heels and pulled his tunic over his head, casting it aside in the leaves. Merlin couldn’t understand his confidence. Arthur oozed morale in everything he did, holding himself well, no matter the circumstance, like a true King. Merlin watched him frozen, as he rid himself of his shoes, trousers, and smallclothes. Out of habit, he didn’t look, keeping eye contact the entire time. Avoiding the Kings nakedness. This seemed to amuse Arthur. 

“What’s wrong?” He teased. 

“I’m just confused as to how one can have such an easy time taking his clothes off yet such a difficult time dressing himself.” 

Arthur pursed his lips, refusing to smile at the taunt. He grabbed Merlin’s ankles and pulled him in his direction, grabbing a boot and throwing it somewhere over behind a bush. “Hey!” Merlin objected and tried to kick him. Arthur ignored him and took off his other boot, throwing it far off in the other direction. 

“THOSE are my only shoes.” He said scrambling to his feet before Arthur could grab him and began to stomp in the direction of his shoe, only to find himself back on the ground three steps later. This time it was unmistakable, something had wrapped around his foot, causing him to fall back down into the leaves. Ropelike.  _ Vines.  _ It would seem the forest wanted to keep him groundward. 

Before he could investigate, Arthur was back on top of him turning him around, hovering over him helping him out of his jacket and undoing the front of his britches. He was determined to have his sorcerer naked and vulnerable. Talking was apparently too difficult for his majesty to manage, instead of asking him to ‘please lift your hips’ he yanked them up off the ground and pulled his trousers down forcefully. He slipped his fingers inside the band of his underclothes teasing the skin around his abdomen, before shucking them away as well. 

Arthur smirked, drinking up the sight of him, running hands over his hips. Merlin watched him biting at his bottom lip, Arthur wanted to bite that bottom lip. He crawled over him, rewarding Merlin's patience with kisses. The warlock ran his hands over Arthur’s chest, unable to stop from touching his smooth skin, running his hands greedily along the well defined lines of muscles. This skin he’d touched before but never like this. His muscles rippled under his fingers as he moved over top of him, kissing with a wildness, appropriate for the setting. Merlin moaned and Arthur murmured approval between kisses. He slipped his hands under Merlin's tunic and began to pull it off but Merlin stopped him, putting his hands over Arthur's. 

“Leave it?” 

“Why.” 

“I’m… Cold.” They both knew Merlin was not cold, he was self conscious. Arthur felt his heart twist. He wanted to tell the sorcerer that he thought he was beautiful and he didn't care about his gangly figure or lack of muscle. But he was too stubborn and he thought it better not to embarrass him. 

Arthur nodded and flattened his hands over the skin along his stomach, smoothing them up to his ribs and inevitably to his nipples, perking up sensitively. Merlin huffed and stared past Arthur up at the sky. He hadn’t expected that to feel good. Arthur ran his thumbs over the buds and watched him squirm at the new sensation, grabbing onto Arthur’s shoulders. His face grew hot and he shifted and pressed his legs together to keep from revealing the affect this treatment was having. 

Arthur’s hands traveled back down to his thighs. “Spread your legs.” He said with an authority that made Merlin glad he was already laying down. He panted and stared at the sky, continuing to press his knees together. 

“ _ Merlin.” _ Arthur lulled gently running his hands along the backs of his thighs, waiting for him to let Arthur touch him. Merlin still didn’t move. Arthur shifted so he could easily tease his companion, running fingertips gently over his pointy hip bones and along his sides soothingly, until he eased his leg apart. 

“Can I touch you now?” 

“I don’t know, can you?” Merlin said but his throat was dry and it didn’t come out as sassy as he had intended. Arthur took hold of him and he whimpered, lifting his hips from the ground. Arthur began to work him up and Merlin’s arms went around his neck reflexively, nails digging into the skin at the nape of his neck. The trees around them shuddered, but there was no breeze, as if they were responding to Merlin, more specifically to the Sorcerer’s pleasure. The earth seemed to groan with him, mirroring his emotions. 

Arthur kissed him again to drink up his wanton noises and noted the taste of his lips, he tasted the way wildflowers smelled. It was intoxicating. Merlin moaned and dug his fingernails deeper into Arthurs skin, probably leaving marks. It was painful but he wasn’t in his right mind to complain. 

He went to reach for Merlin's hip, to move him into the position that he wanted him in, and discovered the ground there felt slimy. 

"What is this?" He said smelling it. It didn't smell bad, it didn't smell like much of anything. Merlin, frustrated with his halted ministrations grabbed Arthur’s hand and licked the wetness off his finger. Arthur watched him, all too excited by the action. 

"It's olive oil." He concluded.

"Where is it coming from?" 

"I don't know. I don't care." He said careened against the King's thigh seeking friction. Arthur groaned feeling some gratification from the movement himself. Filled with new fire he grasped Merlin's wrists and held them over his head against the ground. Merlin huffed at that and tried to wriggle out of his hands. The effort was fruitless. 

He ground against his servant in turn and Merlin squirmed against him. Long legs coming to lock behind his back. " _ Arthur."  _ He pleaded, not knowing exactly what for, but pleading nonetheless. 

"I know, go ahead." Arthur encouraged. He rutted against Arthur's pelvis and Arthur let him because he looked so endearingly desperate. Writhing and gasping at every sensation. 

"There you go, that's it…" He said watching his face twist up in pleasure. 

Magic rose to the surface of Merlin's skin and he didn’t feel he had the strength to hold it down, Arthur stared at him the same way he had the night before, startled by the sight of his eyes shining gold. 

“You’re doing it again  _ Mer _ lin.” 

“I can’t help it…” He confessed. This time Arthur didn’t draw away from him but he held the sorcerer’s hips to the ground. Merlin grunted in frustration as the glow faded, the magic that prickled under his skin ebbing. 

“You’re getting a little too excited then I gather. It’s to be expected from someone who’s virtue has gone untarnished." 

“Maybe I’m getting ready to slam your head in, how would you know?” 

“We’ll see about that then won’t we.” Arthur bit back and buried hands in the leaves underneath them, Merlin watched him curiously. He drew his hand back, slick with oil, rubbing his fingers together in front of the Sorcerer’s nose. So it was there for a reason then. 

“ _ May  _ I?” Arthur said, voice dripping with sarcasm. Merlin was scared because he didn't know exactly what was going to happen but he tried to sound confident. 

“You better get on with it, lest I lose interest and find someone else to tarnish my virtue.” Arthur apparently didn’t appreciate that comment because he wasn’t very gentle about turning Merlin around. The sorcerer felt his breath catch in his throat at the feeling of being manhandled into such a vulnerable position, gods only knew what he must have looked like being set upon by another man like this. Despite the vulnerable position, he still found it in himself to make things difficult for the King, squirming, trying to roll back over. Arthur snaked an arm around his waist to hold him in place. 

He hissed at the feeling of oily fingers intruding where fingers had never touched him before. It was quite uncomfortable, and even though Arthur was gentle about it he was glad to be facing the ground because his eyes began to fill with tears against his will. He voiced a small noise of discomfort and Arthur rubbed his fingers against his stomach soothingly. “You’re alright it’ll get easier.” 

“You seem to know a lot about this.” Merlin trying to sound snarky, and failing. 

“And for someone who studies anatomy you seem to know nothing. Relax or it’s going to hurt more.” 

He tried to keep still and relax but he kept flinching and trying to arch away from Arthur. He couldn’t understand how this was supposed to feel good, that was until Arthur moved his fingers in just the right way sending a surge of pleasure through him like he’d never felt. He pressed back against the feeling, crying out and burying his hands in the leaves trying to find something to hold onto. 

Arthur, ever the showboat, hummed in satisfaction and began to abuse his power, manipulating Merlin into a wriggling mess. He felt magic bleed from his fingers into the earth below him. “ _ Arthur _ …” He tried to warn him but it sounded more like praise. 

“Do you want me inside you?” 

“Yes, My Lord.” he said, sounding debauched, compliant. That did things to the King he couldn’t explain, made him want to do things to his consort, that wouldn’t be appropriate even under their circumstances. Instead he began to oil himself up. 

“Let me turn around.” Merlin whined. 

“Why?” 

“I want to face you.” 

Arthur relaxed his grip and Merlin turned toward him. He looked absolutely unkempt. Hair sticking up in all directions, and full of leaves, face covered in a layer of dirt. Eyes hooded making him look dazed and suggestive. Arthur hooked his hands underneath his knees and moved him so they were lined up nicely. While Arthur began to push forward he had to force himself to be slow and gentle, but it was proving difficult. He grunted in frustration. 

Merlin's face screwed up in a mix of pain and pleasure. Arthur moaned as he clenched around him, touching his forehead to Merlin’s, looking into his eyes, lighting up once more, fueled by sudden unshakable desire he pushed the rest of the way in. 

“Ah-  _ Mer _ lin, you need to rela-ah-ax. You’re so bloody  _ tight.”  _

“Sorry sire…” He huffed warm breath ghosting over the King’s lips. The knot that had been in Arthur’s chest all day seemed to finally loosen. Merlin looked wrecked, but he looked content as well, their closeness was heated but it felt comfortable. 

“You were made… for me.” Arthur said admitting it to himself as much as he was admitting it to Merlin. 

“I was made for you.” The warlock echoed blissfully. 

Slowly Arthur began to move. Using all self control not to wildly cant his hips. 

“ _ Ah-ngh”  _ Merlin arched into him. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“ _ Hah-ah… no.”  _ He whined. 

“Good.” Arthur crooned and laid kisses on his jaw, under his ear and on his neck. Merlin fisted his hands in the King’s golden hair tight enough it hurt, but Arthur couldn’t blame him, the feeling was shattering. He’d begun to feel himself being drawn deeper into something less physical, and more otherworldly. Neither of them hardly noticed but the wind had begun to pick up all around them, whipping around the rocks and through the trees wildly, but leaving them untouched as if they lay at the eye of a storm. 

“Are you doing that?” He murmured in Merlin’s ear. Merlin shook his head, rocking against Arthur needily, not particularly caring about any goings on around them. He whined when Arthur held his hips still, trying to establish a steady rhythm. Merlin's skin felt terribly hot to the touch, fevered like there was a fire lit under his skin. 

“You’re sweltering.” Arthur said nosing at the skin of his neck. 

“Thanks.” Merlin said dreamily. 

Arthur huffed in amusement, “I mean your skin…”

Merlin moaned and ignored him. “Go  _ faster _ .” 

Arthur shook his head and did as he said. Merlin was half aware that his magic was churning against his will, threatening to burst forwards out of him, and do who-knew-what. He could probably bring down all the trees around them if he let it. But instead he seemed to be involuntarily reaching out to Arthur with it. It was perhaps more pleasurable than the steady rocking of hips. He fit his mouth against Arthur’s to stop the cries threatening to fall from his lips. They still came and Arthur swallowed down his noises greedily, humming in either amusement or approval.

Arthur smelled acutely of sweet musk and sweat. He buried his face in the King’s neck to taste his skin, He tasted as sweet as he smelled and Merlin mouthed at his neck greedily. He snuck one of his hands down between them and took hold of himself, beginning to stroke self-indulgently. Arthur quickly caught his wrist and pinned it above his head. 

“No.” He said firmly. "Only I can touch you today." 

Merlin disobediently moved to continue with his other free hand, but Arthur grabbed that one as well. The sorcerer huffed defiantly and canted his newly freed hips. Arthur moaned and moved his hands to hold his hips still again. Merlin began to move his hands but before he could he felt something long and snakelike twist around his wrists keeping them above his head. He twisted to see what it was, they were vines, grown up from the ground to restrain him. He fussed and pulled against them, but they just tightened in response. 

Arthur stared, bewildered. “Ha! Looks like nature is on my side.” 

Merlin muttered a spell to release himself but the vines only tightened once more. Arthur indulged him, filling his need, but moving torturously slow. Merlin strained under his new restraints uselessly. 

“ _ Arthur.”  _ He pleaded. 

_ “Relax.”  _ Arthur berated, forehead beading with sweat. “You’re just fine.” 

Merlin wrapped his legs around him desperately, something powerful began to bubble up in his abdomen. Somewhere nearby he heard the familiar rumble of thunder and their surroundings had become dark. 

Merlin whimpered with every thrust, rapidly becoming oversensitive. Arthur could see it in his face that he was close and that was very good because he was nearing his end as well, and didn’t want to be the one to finish first, he had to see Merlin fall apart.

Everywhere but in their circle it was raining hard. 

Both of them were breathing hard, when the earth seemed to shift beneath them, lifting the Merlin’s hips, changing the angle. It was a good angle. Merlin swore he saw sparks, he was unable to stop himself from crying out. 

“Arthur!” He cried brokenly, pulling at his restraints hard enough they were likely to leave bruises.

“There we go. Come on." Arthur encouraged. 

He cried and writhed under Arthur, the vines released him and he wrapped his arms around Arthur’s neck tightly. Arthur gasped at the feeling of something powerful flowing through him, magic flowing under his skin, lighting his every nerve on fire. He moaned embarrassingly long and loud, holding onto his sorcerer tightly and spilling inside of him. 

Merlin’s toes curled at the sensation, being held together with magic, having pleasure rung out of him endlessly. He became keenly aware his eyes must have been glowing again because Arthur was staring into them, but the weird thing was that Arthur’s had begun to glow as well. He realized that was his own doing, spilling magic into his lover, giving him his all. It held them together. 

It took minutes for them to come down from the high, leaving both men spent, laying in the leaves bonelessly. 

The rain and thunder retracted as well, the weather returning to sunshine and chirping birds. Arthur pulled away from Merlin after a moment. He gathered him in his arms to rest. 

"Well if Camelot's crops ever need extra watering…" the King joked. Merlin just hummed in agreement. 

“That was… quite good.” Arthur murmured. 

“Do you think it worked?” Merlin asked wearily. Arthur laughed. 

“I think probably yeah.” Arthur said amused. “Good job.” Merlin smiled and buried his face in his neck. 

He broke the silence once more, “Why did the High Priestess call you  _ Emrys?”  _

“That’s my name in the language of the druids.” 

“How come I don’t know this.” 

  
“Because you’re a  _ prat  _ and you don’t pay attention.” 

**Author's Note:**

> My college friends are out doing college people things and I'm home writing Merlin fanfiction. Pls leave a kudos to make me feel better. Thanks. 
> 
> (Just kidding, obviously)


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